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Sunday, July 23, 2006

Dazed

Friday night I was with friends in a local bar. We are all wearing white tops as we agreed beforehand.  It was picture perfect. I have my camera by that time we were supposed to have a good night.


Everything seems okay then my world was rocked again by a text message. I didn't see it coming and it took seconds before it finally registered. My company was oblivious of what's happening to me. After a few message have been exchanged I couldn't held it anymore, I know I would break down in front of them if I haven't used the old alibi that I need to go to the bathroom. But instead of going to the bathroom I found myself at the corner of the parking area, gasping for breath and involuntarily I puked because the pain in my chest is unbearable. As tears started to flowed from my eyes I saw him nearing me poised on helping me but I turned and said I'm ok. He stood there waiting for me. As I faced him I asked why? The grief on his face is enough as a solace for me. I asked and he gave me vague answers. I thought this is not the time and place to discuss about the matter. I told him to go back at the table as our oblivious friends might get a wind on what's happening because of our absence and I will follow as soon as I regain my composure.


Back at the table I was correct at my hunch that they were suspicious as to where am I. "
Sandalan" was looking for me cause he need  my ride cause he gonna go check on some friends on a party. Instead of giving him the key I tagged along to the party. But alas we were stranded because of the downpour and friends were messaging us as to where the hell are we. That scene have caused a friend to get irritated. Ahh, talk about li'l things gone big again.


Back at the bar I was luckily there are two groups of friends around. When I felt my stomach will churn again because of the pain in my chest I just transferred to a friend's table so I can regain my calm.


After a few table-hopping my head cleared and I whispered to him (we are sitting beside each other the whole time) affectionate words.  Afterwards I've tried to enjoy the night as he suggested. I took pictures, danced but I've abstain from drinking. I just had 2 bottles that night. I've thought of asking "sandalan" to stay a while after the others are gone but he told me to rest and do nothing foolish.


As the last of us are parting ways, I've decided to go to the after party of some friends and get some booze to numb my feelings, I've took a detour with One3 to get to the party. On my way to the party I was suprised to receive a message from him begging me to skip the party and go home cause I might get sick as it was raining. I wasn't sure why I've followed his advice when the inner me wanted to party and get drunk till I crawl home. Maybe it's because I listen to him. When I got home I've messaged him that I'm safe home and no need to worry.

I didn't slept easily afterwards. My mind was wide awake thinking reasons why did it happen. But my mind and heart has already made it decision no matter what happens. It was almost morning when I finally slept.

I woke up this morning early, I mean early from my usual waking time on weekends. Even If just had couple hours of sleep I've decided to crawl out of my bed. I've tried to watch T.V. but I feel I need to do something to keep my mind and body busy and not be a couch potato. I decided to do my laundry instead and wash my bike. When I got the key to the apartment where I do my laundry my phone beeped. I was suprised it was him. Asking me if I'm busy and asking me to come over his place for lunch. So I came over his place and had lunch. He was not different at all, well sort of, it's like nothing happened. I'm dazed.  After lunch I did my laundry. What happening and what I'm feeling is so surreal like last night didn't happened but I knew it happened. Until now I'm dazed. What the fuck is this? One thing I am sure - Whatever it is I feel good.

It's almost 8, Off I should go. And I'll go with the flow. I'll just follow my heart for now. Wish me the best.


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